2012

i think this is just the 'fix it' year

the even years

i remember 2010 was pretty random.  that was the word of the year.  well, the beginning of the year.  constant randomness.  but it turned out to be a pretty good year, overall.

2012 has started out kind of random.  i ended 2011 with warm hearts.  i loved it.  i love reconnecting with Gonzalo and Ellie.  Maria is back.  and these people just warm my heart.
New Years Day was similar.  Maria came over and we just watched movies.  I just love having her back! haha.  I really do.  I miss my B.I.s and our togetherness.  I miss our B.Is and Mofos fo life.  There's a family aspect to it.  then we headed over to D and Megan's, Kef showed up, chalo, libby, JP... it was like our family.  it was our family.  i really loved it.  it was pizza and a movie and wine with my familia.  <3  Kef got us animal hats for the winter.  haha.  I LOVE IT!!!  mine is a penguin.
so then i ended up at momo's to end my Jan 1st, and his visiting brother.  we watched fast 5 and part of the fast and the furious and had leftover seafood and crabdip even though i wasn't hungry.  food... always food...
and today my old roomie from Spain, Carlos, is visiting for 2 nights with a friend.  wow... im gonna need help entertaining them.  and then im having another visitor tomorrow for a few hours.  man... 2012, maybe you're not random.  just busy.  im tired already.  haha.

none-the-less, 2012.  i have goals.  and we're gonna get them done.  ;o)

surprise!

a surprise visit!  first!  i feel special.  it's a confirmed sign from God and the Universe... it's gonna be a good year.  God is gonna give me great things this year.  im hopeful.  :o)

goodbye 2011

goodbye 2011.  you brought upon me unrelenting pain and life lessons that crippled and hurt and nearly extinguished the fire to my soul... you reduced me to a tiny ember barely glowing.  so many lessons, too many.  you certainly were a catalyst for growing up faster.  a catapult into adulthood.   i want to kick you the hell out of my life 2011.  you have embittered my heart with so much darkness.  so much pain.  so much hurt.  you inflicted upon me so many wounds that only now begin and continue to heal.  i want to kick you the fuck out.  but, you did, however, weed out good from bad.  you made the shit hit the fan and brought through people who really mattered... those who really counted.  you brought out the thoughts and emotions and ideas that were most important.  values in life.  you refined me.  you've made me a better person.

'its always darkest before the dawn'.  the bitter and the sweet.  without the dark we cannot have the dawn. without the bitter we do not know the sweet.  and so i do not know how to bid my farewell to you, 2011. all i know is that...

....2012 is the dawn.  2012 will bring the sweet.  2012 is going to be so good to me.  i know it.  i have the utter confidence in the greatness that will be 2012.  i welcome 2012 with open arms.  i have such hope, such faith, such great expectation.  2012, i know what i want.  i have my goals.  i have my focus.  i know what to do this year.  i know what i want.  2012, i humbly welcome you to my life.  2012, i am ready for the greatness that you will bring my way.  i am open to it.  i also humbly request you bring with it the blessings and wishes for those i love and care for.  rain blessing upon the hopeless, the helpless, the poor, the hungry, the needy.  rain goodness, rain love, rain strength, rain courage, rain an incredible will for life and to do good in life.  rain upon us the meer outstretched hand for a stranger.  a smile to he or she who lives alone on the street.  to bring recognition to those who are ignored.  to be present in each moment.  to love our children.  the courage to speak up when needed.  wisdom for words in all situations.  to forgive those who need forgiveness.  to heal.  rain upon us the strength to be better people;  for ourselves and  to each other.  welcome, 2012.  you have no idea how hopeful i am for you.

reading

i was reading an article.  ive been reading lots of things recently.  and it all goes into a lot of what some of my 2012 resolutions are.  2012 is gonna be great.  anyway, here are some quotes and interjected thoughts from the last few readings.


time to walk away from 'good enough', and keep on in search of 'can't live without'
it's like i said.  you fucked up.  you chose this.  this is nothing.  i could give infinitely times better.  you have no idea how great.  this would be great and wonderful.  this is only a fraction of what we could be.  and what we are meant to be together is ashamed of what we are now.  because this is nothing.  and this is not fair, to bind greatness into something so small.  because this could be greater.
love should never be less than 100%.  then that's settling.
so its time to move on.  time for something to change.  you chose poorly.  this would've been unstoppable.
So it's better this way, I said 
Having seen this place before 
Where everything we said and did 
Hurts us all the more 
Its just that we stayed, too long 
In the same old sickly skin 
I'm pulled down by the undertow 
I never thought I could feel so low 
Oh darkness I feel like letting go 
If all of the strength 
And all of the courage 
Come and lift me from this place 
I know I could love you much better than this 

dear...

Santa and 2012,

I know what I want.  Im ready.  Bring on the great and wonderful and incredible.
Bring on the joy and happy and well deserved.
Bring on the amazing.
It's coming my way.  Cuz I know what I want.
I'm.  Ready.

Sincerely,
Dana